Sister Mom

 

She was at a crossroads.  What would happen to her sister if she didn’t do this?  Foster care?

In her mind, foster care wasn’t an option.  Princess Sweet Nature needed a stable, loving environment and foster care couldn’t guarantee that.

With a deep breath, she picked up the phone and made the call.

This act of selfless love rocked her world.  In one phone call, her life changed forever.  In one phone call, she went from “sister” to “sister Mom”.  Instant Mom.

She picked up the phone and called her own mom.

“Mom, I don’t know if I can do this.  I’m not cut out to be a Mom.  I don’t have any experience.  It’s just been me and Cash and June {editor’s note:  her dogs} for so long.  I don’t even know where to start because it’s not like she’s a baby and I’m learning as I go.  She’s 8-years-old.  She’s had 8 years to form relationships, attachments and I’m going to take her away from everything she knows.  I’m not sure I’m emotionally equipped to deal with the fallout.”

“Of course, you are!  None of us has ‘experience’ at being a mom, sweetie.  Being a mom is truly the ultimate ‘fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants’ experience.  You love her.  That’s all you need.  The rest will fall into place.  And, you have family that will help you.”

Yes, she loved her.  Loved her fiercely.  Loved her from the moment she was born and held her for the first time.  And, from that moment on, Rhianna had been an integral part of Princess Sweet Nature’s life.  Not just as a much older half-sister (25 years older; old enough to be her mom), but as a loving, guiding force in a difficult situation.  You see, Princess Sweet Nature’s family life had “issues”.  Lots of issues.  Drinking issues, drug issues, unemployment issues; this life was the only life that Princess Sweet Nature knew.  Except for her weekends with “sister”.

“Sister” would pick her up from her father’s house and bring Princess Sweet Nature to her house for the weekend.  There, Princess Sweet Nature was thrust into a life of stability.  Family.  Gatherings.  Love.

Then she would go home.  Back to her world of tension, neglect, anxiety.

Then, a new “issue” raised its ugly head – homelessness.

With this inevitable possibility looming, Rhianna knew in her heart that she needed to take control of Princess Sweet Nature’s guardianship.  She loved Princess Sweet Nature more than she thought possible and it was the right thing to do.  The only thing to do.  But, the first step was to bring her home, to Rhianna’s house.

Throughout her young life, Princess Sweet Nature had spent time in Rhianna’s home.  Lots of time.  But, she always went home to their father’s house.  Now, she was not going home.  Eight-years-old, this new reality was confusing to her and she lashed out in tantrums, crying endlessly and nothing “sister” could do would calm her.  Sister Mom was fully indoctrinated into the world of mom-dom.  Her heart breaking because her “child” was in pain, trying all matter of ways to comfort her – holding her, kissing her, reassuring her that it was going to be okay.

And, when Princess Sweet Nature would fall asleep from exhaustion, the emotional exhaustion of a child whose world has been turned upside down, Sister Mom would cry herself to sleep.

Would it be alright, Rhianna questioned her decision.  Am I truly doing the best thing for her?  Even though Princess Sweet Nature came from a world of tension, neglect and anxiety, it was her world – the only world she’d ever known and the fear brought on by not returning to the life she knew, sent her emotions to dark places.

But, Rhianna persevered.  Through countless meetings with teachers, social workers, doctors, lawyers and the courts, Rhianna stayed the course.  Through endless “meet-ups” with Princess Sweet Nature’s biological parents that never happened, Rhianna was there to pick up the pieces of the disappointment and confusion of a child abandoned.

Why does Rhianna do this?  Because she loves Princess Sweet Nature like she was her own daughter.  Like a “mom”.  Sister Mom.

 

Editor’s Note:  Rhianna has been Princess Sweet Nature’s “Sister Mom” for 15 months now.  And, Rhianna is Tiffany’s step-sister.  Tiffany’s father, Joel, married Rhianna’s mother, Patti, 25 years ago, creating their instant family.  You see, Rhianna was about the same age as Princess Sweet Nature is now, when her life was turned upside down by her mother’s remarriage and her new instant family.  So, Rhianna remembers how she felt.

 

However, the big difference between her situation and Princess Sweet Nature’s is that Rhianna had a stable, loving family already in place with her mom, Patti, and her new family only made it stronger.

Rhianna calls her step-father “Dad” and considers Joel to be her father.  Although Rhianna has a biological father on the fringes of her life, her step-father (along with her mother) raised her, nurtured her, loved her, guided her and provided a home life of love and stability.

So, Rhianna is my niece by default; I’m her “de facto” aunt.  And, Princess Sweet Nature now has a grandfather and grandmother (Joel and Patti), who aren’t related to her either.  And, she has an aunt, Tiffany, who is really her step-sister by marriage (in other words, no relation).  And, she has cousins, the Princess P and the Princess Sweetie Pie, who are really her step-nieces by marriage (again, really no relation).  Plus, she had lots of other “relatives” with no relation (de facto) swirling around her new universe.  Her new universe full of family.  And love.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Your Story Matters…

Tootles,

 

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