42 Shades of Red

 

Okay, so this is called 42 Shades of Red because 50 Shades of Gray was already taken!  And, TS4T (Toot Sweet 4 Two) has this 42 “thing” going on – you know, the branding thing, cuz we’re a business and we are creating a brand identify out there in the blogging world, etc.  And, I know its the day after Valentine’s Day, but it’s still February and February is the month of all things red and love and sharing love and spreading love – need I go on?

Well, we’ve already given you 42 of the following things:

• 42 Things to Do with you Elf on the Shelf this holiday season
• 42 San Diego Restaurants to Savor
• 42 Things to do in San Diego
• 42 San Diego Museums, 28 Days and Half Off
• 42 Ways to Say I Love You on Valentine’s Day

So, why not 42 Shades of Red to get you giggling and laughing (heck, I know your really, really, really want this list to be about 50 Shades of Gray!).

Here’s my list of 42 Shades of Red and my definitions:

1. Red porgy – is that really a word?  Well, that’s how I feel after a pig-out on my fav ice cream – Salted Caramel Gelato.  Little red porgy – that’s me!
2. Red face – the color of my face when I do something particularly stupid or say something I shouldn’t have.  For example:  one time I was standing at the ticket counter at an airline terminal, checking in.  Someone put their bag on the floor to my left and I didn’t notice them doing it because I was engaged in conversation with the ticket clerk.  After completing my business, I turned left to leave, did not look down and promptly fell flat on my a_ _ as I tripped over this suitcase.  Granted, falling really wasn’t my fault, because some idiot put their bag right next to me, but I was in a skirt (a short skirt) and when I fell, EVERYONE in the immediate area got a good glimpse of my tush!  To say I was mortified is an understatement!
3. Red wine – what Tiffany drinks that makes her an expert in all things kid-related.  See video below.
4. Red rover – no, not the children’s game.  Me, roving the aisles at a local nursery looking for the perfect red flowering plant and buying every color but red.
5. Red alert – me on high alert any time the wind blows (see earlier series of posts beginning with Any Way the Wind Blows).
6. Red ant – or in this case, “red aunt”.  My niece, Nicole, is an aunt (which makes me a great-aunt!  Ugh!).  Nicole likes to change up her hair.  Currently, it’s lavender, but it has been red in the past, making her the “red aunt”, right?  Well, I could have given you a picture of a red ant hill, because lord knows we have PLENTY of red ants on our 8-acre property, but I thought Nicole was much, much prettier than a mound of red ants!  Wouldn’t you agree?
7. Red blooded – what all men like to say they are, pretend they are, etc.  Well, I guess they really are.
8. Red spot – that zit on my face.
9. Red-bellied black snack – what I call scurrilous people that have no morals.
10. Red tag – the best kind of sale!  If it’s not marked down, I don’t buy it.
11. Red cap – that cute Nicole with her adorable hats and caps.  See picture below.
12. Red carpet – what we end up with when we let Tiffany drink too much red wine (see “red wine” above and the video below)
13. Red cent – as in “I haven’t a red cent to my name” which also defines the current condition of the Toot Sweet 4 Two business model because TS4T doesn’t have a red cent to its’ name either!
14. Red neck – the state of my neck when I’m stressed out – zit city, followed by rubbing and picking until inflamed and a considerable mess!  Here’s a secret:  that’s why I wear my hair long – to cover my red neck.
15. Red coat – a “turn coat” who leaves you stranded.  That happened to me once.  Has that ever happened to you?
16. Red devils – what me and my 3 siblings were as children.  Oh, did I say devils?  I meant angels, of course.
17. Red dog – it’s a card game.  Did you know that?  I didn’t either, but in my mid-twenties to early thirties, I used to play poker with a group of friends on a regular basis and I don’t remember ever playing a card game called red dog.  We used to play all kinds of crazy “wild card” games, sometimes making as many as 5 different cards “wild cards” and it would get really crazy trying to play and follow along with that many wild cards.  But, it was always fun.
18. Red car – I had one of those for 9 years.  It was a surprise from my husband.  Actually, it was somewhat of a surprise and not a complete surprise like the Ford Mustang I got for Valentine’s Day one year (see 42 Ways to Say I Love You on Valentine’s Day).  I knew he was buying me a new car.  Here’s the thing about me – I’m kinda hard to buy presents for in that I could really care less about cars (I just want something safe, comfortable and, obviously, drivable) and I don’t wear much jewelry (I have a lot of jewelry – mostly costume jewelry – but I just don’t wear it much; mostly my wedding and engagement rings and sometimes earrings).  I would rather have a plant, flower or tree to plant on our 8-acre property (see #4, “red rover,” above).  When you lose almost everything (see my 20-part fire story starting with Any Way the Wind Blows), material things lose their significance to you and you realize that relationships are more important.  Anyway, back to the red car.  My husband wanted me to have a new car because the Ford Mustang he had surprised me with several years earlier, wasn’t a good car to transport aging parents.  They couldn’t get in and out of the back seat of a 2-door car and walkers and wheelchairs were an impossibility.  But, I didn’t want to waste my toot sweet time shopping for a new car.  So, I told him I didn’t care what he got me as long as it wasn’t an “old lady car”.  He came home with a brand-new, fast-back red Dodge Intrepid and I drove that car into the ground for 9 nine years.  It even qualified for the “clunker rebate” that was going around in 2009, although we didn’t apply for the “clunker rebate” after all.
19. Red eye – me with insomnia watching reruns of Law & Order deep into the night dreaming I was taking the “red eye” to New York, or England, or Italy, or Australia, or anywhere!
20. Red-eye gravy – what my husband wishes I would make for him, but I think it sounds kinda disgusting: black coffee, grease from ham or bacon mixed together with flour to make a gravy?  Well, maybe one of these days… or maybe not.
21. Red handed – me, when the credit card bills arrive and Charlie says “what did you charge that costs $200 at Office Depot?”  Do you think he’d believe me if I said red ink?
22. Red hot mess – me cooking over our gas stove!  Until we moved into this house 4 years ago, I always had an electric stove.  Who knew that cooking with gas, most chefs heat source of choice, would be so, well, hot?  And, the other thing, even on the lowest setting on our gas stove, food burns making not only me the red hot mess, but the food a red hot mess!
23. Red-legged grasshopper – me, again, when I forget to put on shoes and run outside bare-footed!  Hopping around going “ouch, ouch, ouch”.
24. Red light – what out-of-state drivers tend to run in California.  If they are with me, I’m a terrible backseat driver, screaming at them to “STOP!”  We have cameras at many intersections just poised to catch the culprits!
25. Red pencil – the dreaded tool used by editors to refine the written works of others.
26. Red dress – I had one of those once.  And was it ever hot!  And, I looked darn good in it too.  Those were the days…
27. Red-tailed hawk – beautiful creatures that roam our valley!  I’m hoping to catch a decent picture soon, but in the meantime, I’ve included a semi-decent picture of one soaring over our house below.
28. Red tape – all the hoopla and rigmarole that you will go through if you have aging parents or loved ones and you are trying to help them.  See my earlier posts, Murphy’s Law.
29. Red flag warning – the state of our entire county during our Santa Ana weather and fire season, which makes me as nervous as a fish out of water.
30. Red herring – my diversion tactics whenever I’m questioned by my husband about spending money.
31. Red letter – a wooden plaque hanging in Tiffany’s house.
32. Red pepper – a spice that I practice avoidance of; i.e., I avoid it at all costs!  I like mildly spicy food and medium spicy is about my maximum tolerance level!
33. Red ribbon – 2nd place; means you didn’t win.  Means you are a loser.  Means you didn’t come in first.  AND, you get a red ribbon to remind you. Constantly. Forever.
34. Red rose – I’m blessed with a sweet husband who gives me beautiful red roses occasionally.  And, sometimes just “because.”
35. Red Vines – yummy, chewy, delicious candy that’s also fat free!  But is it calorie-free?  Think not!
36. Seeing red – what happened to me when Tiffany was about 3 years old.  I was babysitting her and she deliberately poured a bowl of popcorn all over the floor.  It was not an accident.  She looked at me with her beautiful eyes and emptied that bowl right on the floor.  I was so dog-gone mad!  It was the first time in my life that a child had made me mad and I was surprised by the intensity of the emotion I felt.  I had to walk away and take a breather – after all, she was only 3 years old!
37. Paint the town red – what I’d like to do; a lot!  No time, no money, no reason.  Oh, to be young again!  Boy, do I sound like a major whiner!
38. In the red – what TS4T is currently.  We want to be “in the black” and are hoping to see this turn-around this year!
39. Red hot poker – you don’t want that in the hands of the wrong person!  It’s also a plant.  I have some amazing, beautiful red hot poker plants (see picture below).
40. Red ink – see “red pencil” above.  That writing implement that implies imperfection and is feared by writers.
41. Clifford, the Big Red Dog – I love Clifford!  He’s so cute!  I’d adopt him, but I think even our 8-acre plot of land wouldn’t be big enough for him!  But, he’s welcome to visit anytime.
42. Red letter day – July 28, 2012; the day Toot Sweet 4 Two was launched.

Here’s the video of Tiffany giving “car seat safety” lessons to all of us at a recent family gathering (see items #3 and #12 above):

 

And, since you’ve “stayed the course” on this exceeding long-winded post, here are some pictures of some of the 42 Shades of Red I had in my picture gallery:

 

In the above picture:  top left, center right, and bottom left – the gift shop at Craggaunowen Castle.  Top right – gypsy caravans in Bunratty Castle and Folk Park.  Middle left:  a red cart on Inis Mor, the largest of the Aran Islands.  Middle:  hay cart at Bunratty Castle and Folk Park.  Bottom right:  a lovely guest room at my favorite place to stay in Ireland, Moy House.

The bottom right photo is a Red Hot Poker, item #39 in the list above.  Top of the collage are berries from a Nandina bush, center and bottom center are roses and the bottom left is an Amaryllis.

Red ivy on a castle in Ireland…

 

In photo above from left to right:  Samantha, Tiffany pregnant with Princess Sweetie Pie, Gail holding Princess P.  Princess P sliding down the slides and baby Princess P.  And, or course, Coco!

A rusty derelict boat in Ireland…

Another picture of that red cart because one wasn’t enough!

 

Top picture in above collage is my old red car, item #18 in the list above.   Center left is my Dad’s glorious red painting.  Center right is a bowl of beautiful vine-ripened tomatoes and bottom right is a gift I wrapped at Christmas time (see earlier post, The Gift).

Red Irish gypsy folkwagons in Bunratty Park in Ireland…

And, the Red-tailed Hawk I promised in #27 above:

Oh wait!  I bet you thought this was a post about the many actual “shades” of red, didn’t you?  Well, so as NOT to disappoint, here’s a list of 42 Shades of Red:

1. Alizarin Crimson
2. Antique Ruby
3. Auburn
4. Barn Red
5. Brick Red
6. Burgundy
7. Cadmium Red
8. Candy Apple Red
9. Cardinal
10. Carmine
11. Carnelian
12. Cherry Red
13. Chestnut
14. Claret
15. Crimson
16. Dark Red
17. Falu Red
18. Ferrari Red
19. Firebrick
20. Fire Engine Red
21. French Wine
22. Indian Red
23. Lava
24. Maroon
25. Oxblood
26. Red-Brown
27. Red-Violet
28. Rose
29. Rosewood
30. Rosso corsa (racing red)
31. Ruby Red
32. Ruddy
33. Russet
34. Sangria
35. Scarlet
36. Terracotta
37. Turkey Red
38. Tuscan Red
39. Upsdell Red
40. Venetian Red
41. Vermillion
42. Wine

Did I leave one out?  Feel free to add to the list!

 

One last photo:  that cute Nicole of item #11 and #18 above.  I know, I know – she’s not wearing a red hat!  She’s wearing Minnie Mouse ears with a red bow!  Doesn’t that count?

Tootles,